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As all men should be able to tell you, there are a few unwritten yet undeniable rules to using the urinals in a gents toilet, in increasing order of importance these are:
- Which urinal to actually use is governed by a complex subconscious formula, see The Urinal Game for further information on this.
- Do not talk to anyone near by unless you are friends, and even then the conversation should at no point reference what you are doing
- DO NOT look to the side, even if you have a friend standing to that side, it is never acceptable to be looking or seem to be looking at another man's "equipment" the blank porcelain in front of you should be the focus of your attention at all times.
If you are looking for these rules to be observed, I highly recommended to using the gent's toilets in Morrison in Derby. On two separate occasions the rules have been flouted in the most profane way. On occasion the first a man who had walked up to a neighboring urinal (in itself an infraction of rule 1, see above) suddenly began to talk to me in a too loud voice. I didn't really listen to what he was saying as I jumped a little and was attempting to retain control over my pelvic python. Calling up the sun total of thousands of years of evolution I made the only viable answer, a non-committal grunt, finished as quickly as possible and made my escape. Yes, I did still pause to wash my hands.
The second occasion was vastly more horrific. The toilets were empty upon my entry, leaving me to choose the best urinal (the one closest to the door). There was no warning, I swear the door to the room never opened. All of a sudden the EXACT SAME MAN suddenly shouted right behind me "I THINK THEY ARE OPEN UNTIL 10 TONIGHT", which not only is a huge contravention of Rule 2, but also makes very little sense as a way of starting a conversation. I nearly jumped out of my skin, failed spectacularly to maintain control over little Dave, and well... pissed all over my hand. Thankfully just my hand, because those can be washed easily. The man then continued his total disregard for the rules by staring intently at me as he stood at the urinal right next to me and whipped out his own equipment. I finished up as quick as I could, left handed, and washed my hands thoroughly and got the hell out of there. I reported back to Jess, who found the whole traumatic event fairly amusing.
We saw the man in the store during our shop, stomping around and muttering darkly to himself.
I wonder now whether some other person had done the same thing to him, damaging the poor man's brain and making him want to due the same so that he is not the sole victim. God knows that I've had an urge to shout manically in toilets since the events described above. Mainly I use urinals at work though, and those people think I'm weird enough as it is.
Dave out
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As some of you have no doubt noticed, I'm a South African. As such I'm delighted that we are world champions again.
Does it seem to you though that the Boks were robbed of a decent level of competition? I firmly believe that they were one of the strongest teams at the competition, but when did they have to prove it?
We were in a fairly challenging group, with the previous title holders no less, the Tongans and the Samoans are big bastards, very physical, and the Tongan game was pretty close, although when South Africa really started to stretch themselves they fell apart. This repeated itself throughout the competition. Fiji put down two very fast tries in what was probably the most interesting game the Boks had to play, but then they simply stepped up a gear and grabbed another handful of points. The final score not reflecting how close the game was but certainly reflecting the teams capabilities.
In theory we would have been playing France or Scotland next, but they were both put in place by an Argentina team that had played out of their skins. Against South Africa though they didn't look like the same side, they were briefly in contention but couldn't go the distance. they upped their game to grab third place but why didn't they play like that against the Boks?
The final should have been against the All Blacks, no one knows that more than them, but they flobbered out in the quarters to France, who themselves lost to team Johnny (sorry, England).
So the final was against England who, although many people said they had improved vastly since their last mauling, really never changed their game, they simply had the kicking machine with them now. They generally kept the ball tied up in the forwards and passed it to Johnny, unless they were dominating the other team in the rucks and mauls like they did against Australia. Les Bleus and the Boks weren't as easy to manhandle and, apart from the brilliant but lucky try early on in the game against France, just defended and waited for the other team to make mistakes. The Springboks have barely made any mistakes in their own half the entire tournament however. Sadly South Africa seemed happy to play them at the same game, luckily England made more mistakes and the peerless boot of Percy the Peacock saw us home.
England never seemed particularly urgent about stepping up the game even though they were losing for (I think) the entire length of the match. South Africa didn't need to step up a gear or even try very hard. They only made two substitutions, one of which was an injury. when was the last time you saw Os Du Randt play the full 80 minutes for gods sake?
All in all the World Cup was very good, with some nice rugby played, just nearly none of it played by the opponents of the eventual champions.
Hopefully the rest fo the world will get their crap together and make us work to defend the title in New Zealand in 2011!
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My name is Dave Cushley, hopefully some of you know me, having got here from my MySpace or Facebook, for those of you that do not, here's some information:
- I am 30 years of age (shudder)
- I am shorter and wider than is normally considered polite
- I have a girlfriend, Jessica, with whom I live
I spend a great amount of time staring at computer screens. I have tried a large range of different roles withing IT, currently I'm a Service support Engineer for Data Systems and Solutions, a chunk of Rolls Royce, which apparently is a catch-all job title which means I do trouble shooting, support, development and deal directly with customers. In the future I will be presenting to potential customer the great benefits of... the stuff I do, whatever the hell that may be.
When not staring at computer screens at work I stare at them at home a fair amount. The stereotype of the socially awkward teenage nerd being the only kind of person playing games persists only in the minds of closed-minded people who for some reason think sitting in front of a television like a lump watching Big Brother or Fame Academy is better for you than sitting at a PC interacting with the action going on in front of you, and generally socializing with other people.
Online gaming is a great equalizer. You find yourself speaking with people who you would dismiss or avoid normally. Some of the people Jess and I play City of Heroes with are teenagers, quite often able to ask older people questions which they wouldn't be able to in person. Of course many people use the anonymity of the internet to be complete pricks. Every game or social website has the ability to ignore people however, which is a great function. The equivalent real-life action, force fitting a ball gag to the office idiot, is frowned upon generally.
Back to the work side. I have been working for DS&S for just over a month so I am probably not best placed to comment to heavily on their ways of working. Like all workplaces they have their unique foibles, and anyone can poke holes in another's way of working. The truth is these things evolve and are worked on by so many people over the years that it is close to impossible to enforce any kind of standard. The most important aspects of the job are there: they pay me enough, I get more holiday than I ever have elsewhere, and I get a bonus (an actual real bonus, not a carrot-on-a-stick/maybe bonus). Rolls Royce is one of the very few large British manufacturers left, and one of even fewer that still makes money hand over fist. They have increased revenue by 10% every year for 10 years, make a profit of £7.5 billion a year and have advance orders for another £27 billion. They seem to be one of the few employers in the world that still pass a fair chunk of success back in tangible form to the people that make them the money. In a climate were industrial growth is on the wane is it a coincidence that companies that try and please their employees do well, where the standard approach, at least in IT, is to alienate your staff while leading them by the nose with abstract promises? Probably not.
Home life is going well, we're approaching the end of the decorating/outfitting of the main bedroom. It's now an attractive Mocha colour, which is better than the gaudy purple it was.In related news, flat packed cupboards with sliding doors are a bastard to put together and not really recommended unless necessary. We've ordered a bed, which should arrive in a few weeks and we can move out of Tam's/Zia's/Ange's/Joanne's/Hayley's/the Parent's bedroom (mental note, buy lots of name plates, and perhaps make some male friends?) and into our own. Next up on the home front: bookcase, DVD storage and TV stand, our purdy TV has been living on the coffee table for too long, it deserves a real home, dagnabbit!
That's about all for now, see here for further exciting developments. Dave out.
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